Since this blog ceased to be the CrazyAboutAndrewOnly thing, I might as well post other stuff here I cannot blog about in my other blog.
This one is about resurfacing relationships. You may know this kind – they’re like a boomerang – always coming back. My Big Story was (and still is I guess) with my first love. We went to school together, when he was nine he confessed he liked me like in a lot. At the time I wasn’t into silly love stuff as I called it.
A year later I develop a major crush for him myself, but I do a stupid thing that makes him mad and wearen’t friends from then on. For the next two years he pretends (retrospectively I realized it was pretense) he likes my girlfriend, driving me nuts. When we are twelve his family leaves for another country. He records a message for me and gives it to our friend. The message basically states, he liked me a lot, had it not been for that stupid thing I did, we might have been together. The friend of ours being a nasty teenager plays it for me during a break when we are surrounded by about ten other classmates of ours. Needless to say I feel humiliated and furious about both boys back then.
Fast-forward twelve years – he comes back to our country to visit his dying grandma, I am a married gal. We have a huge crush. Like in an the moment we see each other we take a dive. He won’t let me out of his sight, becomes my shadow. I doubt the depth of his feelings or the truth of them at all and over the week of his stay I keep myself from doing anything stupid (although people who watched us doubted I could). We see each other almost every day, the night before he leaves for his country I cry my head off on my way back home after dropping him off at the hotel.
We start texting like crazy after that – I would stay up until five in the morning to do so – time difference is brutal for me. He proposes to me, tells me he wants me to leave the nasty country we both were born in, says he would even agree to an arranged marriage if I didn’t want it to be a real thing. I ask for some time to consider. He confesses that he is bisexual – stating he wanted to be totally honest with me.
This changed everything for that me, might not have for the current me. I am shocked, feel the same betrayal and huge disappointment as in the listening to the record episode that occurred half of our lives before.
After that he sort of disappears for a while, now we are just exchanging messages on social networks now and then – he is happily married, has a kid and his wife lets him take guilty pleasure trips now and then to satisfy his other sexual appetite. I wonder if I could do that had things turned out differently for us sometimes.