Scratch that!

The guy is just somewhat weird (ain’t we all!) – after a week of sterile messaging (no affection demo) I get a frigging storm last night! So much so that I had to quit it at midnight – since I was already at a high risk of sleep deprivation. When it rains, it pours.

I think somewhere along the way the tables have turned, I am actually in control now – on both accounts – but I still question it now and then. And you know how I got there? By boosting my empathy! Understanding what a guy wants and providing that (when and only WHEN he behaves and asks for it!) is the frigging key!

tumblr_mw5qmorrkk1qicfexo1_500

Back from vacay

I think I have reached a state of a relationship enlightenment – where I am enjoying every minute of it while I am with the guy, then I flip a switch to “normal life” and go on with it and I am accepting of the idea that most likely than not this thing will not last.

The hardest part is the switch-over day though. It’s almost like being stuck between two states – very unstable and emotional.

There has been odd thing about messaging with JD while I was away – frequency of our messaging decreased, he completely stopped showing any affection in the conversations – he’s never been that affectionate to begin with – but now there is none at all.

Oddly enough, I was able to rationalise my way out of fretting over it that much – whether this is just him detaching from everything back home while he’s away on his vacation, or it’s a sign that he intends to quit this thing altogether – it’s not worth worrying about either way – for one, I’ll never know until he’s back, also, even if it is the gloom and doom scenario, I know the drill by now – go back to dating scene, activate flirting with JM – in case of a miraculous event of his bubble walls getting thin enough.

What also helps is distinguishing the fun stuff I do with the guy from the guy himself – yes, I will not be able to afford/do some of it on my own, but on the other hand, I can always do this same stuff (or something entirely different but as enjoyable) with a different person!

I’m still around and kicking

I’m on vacation. It started wonderful, JD and I went to the city on Friday night, had dinner at this nice Italian place, then walked around in the warm downtown, stopped at an Irish pub for few more drinks. After that we took a speedy elevator to the 23rd floor of a hotel with a view of the most prominent landmark in the city.

Next day we went for brunch to this weird place that is a mix of a market and restaurant, with a huge variety of food to select from.

He asked me if I wanted to go see a ball game afterwards. Since I’ve never been to one, I said sure. So we went. It was scorching hot, we sat in the sun, my outfit was wrong, but I enjoyed it all! The atmosphere, his care – he got me a baseball hat, a hair clip and kept buying us beer throughout the whole thing.

We then walked to where he left the car with crowds of fans and went back to our town. Spent the ready of the night at a local Thai place and then on his couch watching GoT.

On Sunday we went to his sister’s place to pick up the trailer he suggested I took for my vacation. The sister lives in this beach town, so we ended up spending most of the day there, walking around town, having lunch there, then we stayed at sister’s for dinner.

We parked the trailer at my place and went back to his. Next morning he went to work and I went packing and shopping for my trip.

He came to my place, hooked up the trailer, and we took off, me in my van pulling the trailer, him following right behind in his truck.

OMG! The way he would stick his truck out a bit to force the oncoming traffic make more space for me, or when we approached this narrow bridge, he went forward and waived me ahead when he made sure it was okay to proceed. Or he blocked the road after we had to stop so that I could safely get on the road from the shoulder. And when we finally got to the park and I realised I had left beer behind, he said he was going to get firewood, but got both instead. Of the five love languages his is definitely acts of care, or whatever it’s called.

And then he asked me if my feelings would be hurt if he went on the camping trip with his kids on his own. Not at all said I. I saw this one coming actually. After we had this weird exchange few weeks ago. It still hurt. It’s a mix of rejection (which it isn’t at all), annoyance with necessity to change my plans yet again and part disappointment, where a guy hastily suggests something and then takes it back. Overpromise and underperform. I get it, on a rational level – the whole idea of camping with both his kids and mine for few days was totally premature! It’s not the way to go about meeting each other’s kids! And still.

Another ouch came when I asked about the for days after his kids were gone from camping. One of them being my birthday. The four days we said we’d go away for, possibly to NYC. Oh, said he, I could totally join him in camping then, he had it booked until Saturday night. Would get a chance to meet everyone. Yay! Camping with bunch of strangers instead of a romantic getaway for birthday… I said I’d think about it.

Booty duty :)

What do you call sexting turn real? Like in – sneak out of your own house after midnight, drive to the guy’s place, pick him up from the porch (since he too had to sneak out), go to the nearby pumping station and have some fun in the back of your minivan?

PS He said he loved me. I said I loved him too.

PPS The foggy windows reminded me of a certain scene in the Titanic, lol!

Empowering

When a guy says “We need to talk”, your first thought is “Oh well, sounds like I may be getting back to the dating site”. No feeling of ground shaking, sky falling on your head or anything like that. Sure, a slight pang of worry, but that’s peanuts compared to my previous self.

PS This is reminiscing back on events of last week, by now all’s good again.

Duh!

I was such an idiot over the few months where I was still hopeful about JM! I am so mad at my past self!

We had another messaging round last night – triggered by my change of userpic and signature in the messenger we use – I said I drove standard again after eight years. Almost instantaneously he asked me if I bought a new car or if it was my bf’s.

All I did in response was send him a link to the car I drove. A small talk followed, then I quit the conversation.

Later last night he started yet another round of “flirting”, when I didn’t react the way I used to – with lots of excitement and enthusiasm – but just went with yeah, blah – he went he missed me, he was often remembering the night we spent together and all that jazz.

I knew those were all his fantasies by now – he’s not ready for any real life actions – spoken from months of experience – so I shut him down with “I thought the distance was an insurmountable obstacle” – and when he admitted it was a problem, I just agreed and went to bed.

Staying in the realm of reality and seeing through words to know what the situation is really like helps a ton and is very empowering – I stay in control of myself and my emotions. I may write another post on how this skill helped me stay in control over a bigger bump I recently had in my current relationship.

PS I am not interested in JM anymore. He IS now no more than a guinea pig, an interesting specimen of a guy who is deep frozen in romance area. Now that I have a normal relationship under my belt, it’s so clear and obvious!

PPS I have no idea how I missed the part before, but the guy seems to be so certain that should he just lure, I’ll rush to his side and make myself available for him – whoa! Such a catch!

A weekend that didn’t start that well…

Ended up being one of the best in awhile.

Started off with a dinner at an awesome Italian place, continued with a shopping trip to a nearby city with lingerie shopping at VS and driving around in a convertible. I haven’t driven a standard in eight years, but I did remarkably well. We went on this roofed wooden bridge, he told me to stop right in the middle of it. “There’s a reason they call it Kissing bridge…”.

At some point he also went “your mom must have liked me because she saw that I’m in love with her daughter” 😊

The main trick to keep things on track is to be in the moment, to enjoy the present.