Rejection

It’s bitter. It hurts. It tastes like ashes. But it shows you how strong you are. How you can resurrect from any blow and move on. My name means resurrection in Greek. How very suitable. When someone, anyone disapproves of you, it’s only their opinion, no more. You’re still you.

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New level of sex

Mmmm. I got to a new level of pleasure. Once the anxiety is gone out of the way, you get to enjoy things to their fullest. Another discovery was that as much as the partner matters, you matter even more. Not only happiness is internal job, so is the ability to enjoy things. Quite fascinating!

Shades of truth/lies

This new guy I’ve been talking to lately asked me head-on if I were single. An absolutely honest answer to it would be “I’m not sure” or “It’s complicated”. But it sounds weird and well, complicated.

So I went with: “I broke up with the guy I was seeing few weeks ago” – which is, too, an absolutely honest answer. Except for it doesn’t cover the present situation. I think I am getting better at this!

Rebound

The fun, good-looking and amazing guy I so hated sending a breakup text to late October turned out to be wrong for me.

I hooked up with him right after JD was gone. We went to my Christmas party together and have been dating ever since.

I can totally list things that were the reason for me losing interest. In short, it’s the mix of self importance on one hand, where the guy is so certain I’m excited about him, and neediness and clinginess on the other. As my colleague put it, I’m his time filler. 

He’s a nice guy overall, we just have different energy levels in life. He’s trying to boost his off mine. I’ve been married twice to guys like that. I don’t want to date anyone like that anymore.

The only reason I am reluctant to end it is fear. I’m scared I might end up in dicksands again – but on the other hand, I feel like dicksands get quicker the more annoyed I get with this guy.

Poor me (not!)

Was crushed between feelings of disappointment and disgust by myself on one hand and self-pity on the other hand for quite awhile lately. 

Poor me, JM lied to me! How dare he disappoint me! 

Poor me, my sex buddy wouldn’t get together with me on the one day I suggested! How dare he!

Poor me, JD ditched me (again) in a dick move way! How dare he!

Poor me, the new guy (not sure if he’s been mentioned in this blog yet) is clingy, needy and well, too much. How dare he!

Funny how I keep putting the fucking tiara on my head!